+ 316962

earthdad:

my goal in life is to be so hot that people can’t pronounce words right when they’re trying to talk to me

+ 236236

herhmione:

pussy-destroyer3000:

can-i-be-your-favorite-bird:

it’s very frustrating being a girl and trying to flirt with other girls like. you tell them, ur cute. ‘Aw thank you’ no. no i’m being gay with you. homo intended. damn it

I’m not even a lesbian but this made me laugh

r u sure pussy-destroyer3000

+ 203467

nerdsarerhapsodic:

One of the kids in my high school class was born on April Fool’s and his dad missed his birth because when his mom called to say she was in labour he laughed and hung up on her

+ 228824

thirdeyedeaf:

isn’t it weird how with some people you never run out of things to talk about but with others it’s like you always end up talking about the weather

+ 168283

viva-la-hetalia:

kushdrinker:

OH SHIT I FOUND A LIST OF PRICES OF ORGANS ON THE BLACK MARKET

Kidney, $262,000 in the U.S., $62,000 in China, $15,000 in India.

Liver, $157,000.

Heart, $119,000.

Small intestine, $2,519.

Pair of eyeballs, $1,525.

Coronary artery, $1,525.

Gallbladder, $1,219.

Skull with teeth, $1,200.

Scalp, $607.

Spleen, $508.

Stomach, $508.

Hand and forearm, $385.

Pint of blood, $337 in the U.S., just $25 in India.

Skin, $10 per square inch.

who wants to get rich with me

image

+ 217443
+ 338068
me at age 9: omg i cant wait to be a teenager, getting drunk and partying 24/7 with all my friends!!!!
me as a teenager: who the fuck just unfollowed me
+ 11167
+ 201
+ 190076

sillycarlos:

sillycarlos:

my mom and I got into an argument one time and then we started getting really emotional and she said “Obama means family” and I swear I never cried so hard in my life

WAIT IT’S SUPPOSED TO SAY OHANA NOT OBAMA THE PRESIDENT ISN’T PULLING MY FAMILY TOGETHER

(Source: queerasian)